A one week break for Chinese New Year was most welcomed although physically more exhausting. Family from US staying with us for 3 weeks. We've had guest in our house every month since October.

Today is the first day back at STM. Realised the many assignments due in March and knocking them off one by one. I am enjoying the one hour drive every morning and evening as it gives me time to pray and to sing praise. They have been moments of pulling everything in order and into perspective, The Lord has blessed.

This semester I am doing NT and OT survey, Greek 1, Christian Spirituality, Liturgy and Worship and Field Ed (which I am able to do at CDPC!)
Total of 16 credit hours

Classes are in full swing and assignments are piling up. Knocking them off one by one. I feel that coming back to school after a stint in the workforce and 2 decades older; it is surprisingly easier to understand, relate and process the lectures right there in class. There seems to be more spontaneous analysing and questioning of assumtions (in my mind at least)- perhaps only learned in the 2 decades of work life.

I am getting used to the schedule although there are Sunday church visits (Field Trips) over the next 2 months which I don't really look forward to. The lecturer in charge have given me the liberty to skip SOME if I have duties at CDPC. Its these weekend activities and an upcoming "freshies night" that I don't particularly like as I stay 80Kms away and have a full family life and church life. Praying for God's grace in this area.

OK...going back to revising my greek alphabets...alpha, veta,....

DAY 3 of Lectures

Well, have had my first class in Greek on Tuesday afternoon, Christian Spirituality and NT Survey on Wednesday and today - Worship & Liturgy and this afternoon OT Survey. I am enjoying the classes thoroughly and what a privelege to be able to study this way. If only undergraduate was this fun!

I'm still getting used to campus life and the community but have made some good friends. Just going to try whatever is required and see how much I can take. For now, I'm taking it like a full time job (8 to 5) - trouble is I've not had to do this "full-time" work hours for the last 15 years! Need some adjusting to.

Connie has been so supportive, making me a wonderful sandwich for lunch, taking over my laundry duties at home :) and taking the kids everywhere. Yesterday, I sat with Bryan and Ellisa to do my Greek homework :)

Day 1 and 2 of orientation

Sat there and realized suddenly that this is not church camp, or retreat or seminar.. .I'm not going back to business after a weekend of great teaching. This is it! Reality bites. Ouch!

Did not know that it was compulsory (strange word -related only to government, I thought) to go for a weekend annual retreat for STM community. Busy weekend at church with CCEF seminar. Doesn't look like I'm able to get an exemption. I'm also weary from traveling 160KM both ways everyday and by Sunday it'll be 6 Days straight. Not sure if I can do this.

Full campus life apparently is quite compulsory and I understand why, but I have a family life 80 KM away and with an hour in between and I'm not sure if I can cramp campus life + study + church. All the other students live on campus or within 5 mins drive away.

going to speak with the dean and with my pastor today for some counsel.

Entering 2012 seem like another new year celebrated with little fanfare- quiet evening with the family at home knowing however that 2012 is going to be anything but normal. It's going to be a new experience for me and for my family. In January 2012, I leave my 20 year (To the month, as I started my first job in 1992 at NCR) career and business to pursue a Masters in Divinity (MDiv) at the Theological Seminary of Malaysia.

In a sense this has always been my desire to devote myself to the study of The Word of God Wth the view of serving in a full-time capacity in a church. The time is right, I believe, and He has given me the measure of Grace sufficient for this task. About 7 years ago, at the height of my career and busy schedule - my business required me to travel extensively - I had enrolled with some brothers from our house church to realign and to discern what God's plans were for each of our lifes. This was over a 6 month mentoring program where we had spent a weekend away each month. It was during this time that my desire for full-time ministry was reignited.

At 44, I would have 20+ years left of fruitful service and I knew that if ever I wanted to fulfill this desire it would have to be now. And so the process began about 4 years ago of quietly praying and asking the Lord to make this possible. Quietly discerning, counseling and finally praying through with Connie and our dear pastors at CDPC.

I would not have made this leap if not for the following :
1) God making the path clear of every obstacle from finances to my business responsibilities. Each time I took a step, the next one opens up. the Lord gently showing me the way.
2) A wonderful and supportive community at CDPC and authentic pastors who served with commitment and conviction. Connie and I appreciate the counsel of our pastors and their wives who not only gave advise but lived out the gospel in their lives.
3) Connie and the kids who affirmed my calling and gave me the green light to even explore the possibilities at the early stages. My brother, Andre (He's not French) and his wife Kathy who are always spurring us on to live gospel centered lives just by their example. My father-in-law who supported us all the way like Jethro and Last but not least the spriritual legacy left behind by a faithful mother, and the example of my father who never cease to stand up for what is just. The combination of all this, over the last 4 years, is what has led me to this next phase of my live.

Happy Chinese New YEar to all...

No 3 is the Doubt Trap
According to Paul Tripp the Envy Trap and the Bitterness Trap lead to the Doubt Trap. he reemphasizes the point that the emotional and spiritual roller coaster of midlife disappointment is really fueled by doubt about God. "All our difficulty with people and circumstances is the fruit of a functional theology of cynicism. We aren't denying God's existence or ostensibly forsaking the faith, but we are less and less willing to put our lifes in God's hands and rest. "

No 4 is the Bargain Trap
"It is often tempting to strike bargains with God, but life is not a series of strategic negotiations with God... Perhaps there is no more important thought than; "If I had _____, then I would be happy." Paul goes on to say that what holds your happiness controls your heart and what controls your heart conditions your emotions, commands your choices and shapes your behaviour. God knows however that unless we find our ultimate happiness in HIM, we will become hopelessly enslaved to things that can never deliver the life thatw e are seeking.

No 5 is the Denial Trap
"Some of us will not face the fact that we will never realize our dream. We invest an amazing amount of time doing everything we can to keep the dream alive. I a tragic allegience to the dream we may begin to contradict our own values and break our own rules. "
A noble dream can consume as I have discovered and when God says its "The end" we wish to prolong the "dream." Interestingly, Paul ends this chapter by stating:
"Some of us are too skilled at denying the death of our dreams, and in our dutiful allegience to them, we sacrifice many of the things that we once said were so important to us."

I think this is significant because it says that we can "keep the dream alive" outside of God's will. We can be so skillful as to keep it going while sacrificing many of the things that are important to us; for example our relationship with God!

I must say that in the last days of December 2005, after returning from the US for a month and visiting with my brother and his family in the US, it was clear that we were to move the entire community into and under the care of a larger church community. We had prayed for a year about this and in December of 2005 it became quite clear. The Lord made the transition so smoothly!!!

The dream was to establish life transforming communities all across Malaysia. These communities would center around homes of Christians. We took a good 7 years to refine our vision and to solidify our identity. Who were we and how did we want to live as a Christian community. We met in homes in the Klang Valley. The idea was great and the commitment and genuiness to share our lifes with each other was very high.

I was one of two co leaders and we were in the 90s going through busy young family lifes. We had newborns and the task of raising young children was upon us then. Evenings were often taken up meeting and counseling with singles who made up of more than half our congregation. The day time was dedicated to work and business. Our wives who were also very much involve in ministry took much of the pressure. Looking back, I can only have attributed our lifes to the grace of God who kept our faith….and our sanity.

Continuing “Lost in the Middle” (Paul Tripp) on “traps to avoid at the death of a dream.”
1) Envy Trap
2) Bitterness trap
Many of us are tempted to look back during mid life and do an accounting. We add up all our hard choices, good decisions, and disciplined labors and compare them to “good” things in life that we think we have earned a right to. If the good results do not match the the labor that we have invested, then we tend to feel we have been the victims of a cosmic con. ……They think back at all they have done and simply can’t understand why they don’t have more to show for it.

Tripp suggests that if we dwell on this inbalance and injustice the more bitter we get and ultimately the bitterness gets aimed at God.

I can name many including the organization that oversaw us whom I felt disappointed with. The people in the community etc. There were a thousand fingers to point to. The thing I realize is that if I did not see this entire death of the dream and the process of finding this new church community as the sovereign design of God, I could very easily have spiraled down into bitterness or regret.

It was only last Friday, when Luke (a brother who got saved through our community 6 years ago) shared in cell group at CDPC about his spiritual journey from Holland to Malaysia. He received Christ 7 years ago when we met him. We were a small part of that journey and I am grateful that God allowed us to be an influence in that period of his life. God’s time horizon is much bigger than ours and I realize that looking at my particular dream was like a fish in an aquarium thinking that that was the ocean. The dream, a gift from God, took personal ownership but also became a stumbling block to seeing God’s wider perspective thus limiting God’s glory and His incredible work in and among us.

As I sat in my new church community, listening to Pastor Wong preach from the vantage point of Moses atop Mount Nebo on the peak of Pisgah (Deuternomy 32), my mind wondered to the years past and my journey and failures and what I had accomplished and what I had to show for……in my physical eye......... (and in the eyes of others around me) nothing much…...

I returned in 1992, after being away overseas for 5 years. The first Sunday back at the home church, there was an embarrasing public squabble between the pastor and the church board. It was masked in “prophecies” and in the sermon. This finally led to the ouster of the head pastor and confirmed my thoughts of "organized church" and its unattractiveness.

My involvement with a church group while overseas shifted a lot of my theology as I began to find through scriptures, Biblical support for much of what I had based my Christianity on. The most major of which was probably in my Sophomore year in college when a doctorate student from our little house fellowship committed suicide. He was manic depressive. The Lord assured me of his salvation and after much wrestling with scriptures, I was assured of my salvation and that because I was saved by grace through faith in Him, I could not lose my salvation. If it (salvation) did not depend on me (or my wisdom) in the first place, then how can it depend on me (to lose my salvation). I was delighted and have since celebrated in worship everyday for my freedom in Christ.

The second most drastic shift was in the way leaders and pastors were raised within the church. Pastors were recognized within churches because of their faithfulness to the Word and their character. That was a major change in my thinking as I grew up in a church organization that ordained pastors after a seminary degree. Many of my peers went into seminary and later ordained as pastors straight after Form 6.

With this excitement and zeal and the unattractiveness of fomal church, I began to start a Bible study group. Many of whom were those who had fallen out from the church squabble. Soon, leaders from Singapore who were affiliated with the group I was with in the US, came to Malaysia to start a church based on the house church model. We grew and in the 12 years we saw many come to the Lord as a result.

12 years on, I am sitting at this Presbyterian Church in the suburb of Subang pondering at what may seem to be the funeral of my dreams. Paul Tripp in "Lost in the Middle"outlines several traps that easily ensnare us at the funeral of our dreams:

1) The envy trap –“ It is easy to notice those who have are successful. It is easy to be captured by envy, that somehow God had gotten the wrong address.”

I thought we had the right formula, we were sincere, probably more so than the mega church leaders around – but yet we “failed.”

“Envy destroys 2 great commands: 1) Destroys loving worship of God. Envy debates His wisdom, doubts His sovereignty, and questions His love.” It accuses God of failing to be the wise Father that He promised to be. “

Although I was not consumed with envy, I did question “why” and failed to see this, not as a failure but as God’s sovereign plan to move on to a new vision for myself, for the other leaders and the church members. I failed to trust God and to have an attitude like Moses who realized his time was up and he was not going in to the promise land. Moses in Deut 33, recited blessings for each tribe....
......To be continued...................

I cannot fathom going through life without the hope that I now have in Christ. Psalm 88, how can a Psalm that ends in "Darkness is my closest friend" be of any hope..here Paul Tripp provides some cause for Hope....

If your hope rest in your circumstances, then there is no hope to be found in Psalm88. If your hope rests in your ability to figure life out enough to solve your problems, then there is no hope to be found in Psalm88....
First Psalm88 reminds me that the God in whom I hope really does understand the deepest issues of the human heart. He is never caught off guard, never confused or overwhelmed...God looks with loving understanding into the deepest caverns of the human experience. He hears with patience and mercy the most desperate cries of the human heart. He never minimizes, mischaracterizes, misunderstands or mocks my struggle. There is really one who understands...

Yet there is more, how does Psalm 88 fit with the rest of the Psalms and the rest of the Bible? Psalm88 tells us how deep, how wide and far the arms of our Redeemer extend. God's grace is not wimpy, it extends, with life altering power, to the deepest level of suffering that is the result of damaging effects of sin in our world. Our Lord redeems the lost and the lonely, the rebel and the fearful, the confused and the doubtful, the sinner and the sufferer, the poor and the forsaken.

Because Psalm88 is in the Bible, you can say to yourself, "What I am going through right now is not beyond the scope of redemption. The loving hands of a powerful redeemer are long enough to reach into the details of this expereince as well...Here is the hope: YOU CAN NEVER LIVE BEYOND THE REACH OF GRACE...........

Lost in the Middle
Paul David Tripp

Next few postings will be thoughts and excerpt from the book: "Lost in the Middle" by Paul Tripp.
Psalm 88 –
Darkest Psalm yet somewhere in there….is HOPE!!!??

Think about it for a moment. Christians get old. (gulp) Christians face disloyalty, dishonor and rejection. Christians face physical disease. Christians face governmental corruption and injustice. Christians face moments of disappointment and sadness. Christians face mistreatment. Sometimes our families break up, our cars crash, and our houses burn down. This is important for us to understand. The heaven we long for is yet to come. We live in the uncomfortable moment between the glories of justification and the glory of our final union with Christ for eternity. And where do we live in between? We live in a world that has been, and continues to be devastated by sin. The signs are everywhere around us. The world groans waiting for redemption.

Is this some mistake? Wouldn’t it be better, easier and more efficient for us to be ushered into eternity the moment we believe? You could commit your life and just disappear. No more need to face the hassles of life in the fallen world. No more fear of what will happen. No more need of security devices and pain medication. But our continued presence in this groaning place is not a failed plan…IT IS THE PLAN. As difficult as it is to accept, you are here because this is where your all-wise and all-loving Heavenly Father wants you. These experiences do not get in the way of what he is doing in and through you but are the means by which it gets done.

I think this is great. A Christian life today is often shown as a colorful life devoid of any pain or suffering. Sometimes there is much guilt when one goes through affliction or troubles. Like Job's friends the sufferer is accused of sin or perhaps disbelief or lack of faith etc. Yet, the Bible are filled with heroes who go through so much pain and suffering as in Psalm 88.

"There is no thought so distorted, no emotion so powerful, no circumstance so horrible, no action so twisted, and no desire so desperate as to be outside of the reach of the Redeemer and His Grace."

Thank you Lord for your Grace!

Had the oppotunity this week to attend a Seeker's Course at our local church in Subang. I was trully refreshed as the speaker in the video went through the possiblities of Jesus being a Liar, Lord or Lunatic. What He taught was out of this world, radical and the evidence today of the teachings of Jesus and the old Testament laws in our daily lifes is proof of the influence of Jesus upon the world for generations. The Judaic Christian infleunce in our society today is practiced by most of the civilised world.

I also had the opportunity to take an afternoon off to attend the first FCCI (Fellowship of Companies for Christ International) seminar conducted by Mr. Ken Humphries. Again, the truths and the Word was radical and it goes against most business practice (common but bad in Malaysia) like paying suppliers...and on time!

I am excited about some of this ministries that are opening up for me. Will have to see where the Lord leads. Just spend a day settling a squabble in my office between 2 key employees which took a lot out of me and my time. Would not mind having a small group of similar business owners who could provide affirmation and counsel.

Harvard University was founded in 1636 and the motto at the founding was "Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae" = "Truth for Christ and His Church".

The shield has 2 books above facing upwards and a single book below facing downward. This is to symbolize the limits of reason and the need for God's revelation. 370 years later the motto is simply; "Veritas". Truth.

Its ironic that the center of human excellence and wisdom is simply truth in mid air. No longer anchored in Christ or His Church.

Last night, I was blessed by Dr Ravi Zaccharias who shared the importance of Spirituality based on truth....the Word of God. Our faith is not blind because its founded and securely rested on this Truth! Christians have done their homework (in varying degrees) and have placed their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ. I was challenged personally to think about how much I know and cherish His Word. I desire Veritas Christo et Ecclesiae.

Unity with the Father and the Son.
I am touched by todays reading in John 17:20-23. Jesus prays that we may be one and that we may be one also in Him.

That all of them may be one,
Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.
May they also be in us that the world may believe that you have sent me.
John 17:21

That there may exist a unity with the Triune God.

When we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the Source of Life, it will be possible to be flexible without being relativistic,
convinced without being rigid;
willing to comfront without being offensive,
gentle without being soft and
true witness without being manipulative.
- Henri Nouwen

I realize that in trying to resolve disagreements or conflicts, my words are often laced with hidden objectives or manipulative which is only an indication of the flesh in me. I am especially aware of this when it comes to a conflict with someone close to me. I have learn to bite my tongue but still the words are there, internally. I want to know the Source of Life and be securely rooted in His love so that I will speak with grace and my life reflective of my Lord who is ever so merciful and just!

Last week was too hectic for comfort. World Cup and late nights did not help and it certainly prevented me from having any meditations leave alone inspirations. However, the message at church by Rev Stuart Rae 2 weeks ago is etched in my heart for awhile now. My spirit has been meditating on it.
Exodus 4: 2 "whats in your hand?"
- God used what is most familiar to Moses; his staff
- Our giftings must be given to the Lord...and willing to "throw it to the ground"
- Our giftings if not yielded to God could become a deadly serpent.

2 Kings 4: 2 "What is in your house?"
the widows oil

Although I am cautious about such use of scripture to draw parallels, these 2 questions have been ringing in my ears. The Lord has certainly bless me and Connie with much. We have not been as faithful as we have been in the past of offering it back to the Lord for His use. I pray the Lord will make clear the answers to these 2 questions....

I have been struggling with the question, "what next Lord?" Where would you want me best to serve in the Kingdom? I began to experience a sense of restlesness and questioning as to the significance and worth of all that I had done in the past. The Lord gently reminded me over several ocassions of the pride and desire for self worth in all that I do for Him. How easily it is to be self centered. Afterall we were brought up to be independent and to take care first of "me".

Reading again, this great book "Seeing and savouring Jesus Christ" (John Piper) - At last today I found a bookshop that carried many titles from Piper, it must be a good bookshop then...(Canaanland in Centerpoint PJ)

...We are all starved for the glory of God, not self. No one goes to the Grand Canyon to increase self esteem. Why do we go? Because there is greater healing for the soul in beholding splendour than there is in beholding self. Indeed what could be more ludicrous in a vast and glorious universe like this than a human being, on the speck called earth, standing in front of a mirror trying to find significance in his own self image? It is a great sadness that this is the gospel of the modern world.

The glorious gospel of Jesus Christ is for us, but definitely not about us. A simple example :
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever belives in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3: 16
If the focus is on me : God loves me so much He sent Jesus to die for me. I am special and He loves me. (nothing wrong with that but should it stop there?)
If the focus is on God : A holy and awesome God, out of His grace and mercy gave His son up for me, a rebellious and sinful man.
The gospel is about the Glory of Christ..........

I wish to take this time of "limbo" to delight in Him, to enjoy Him and to behold His Glory and splendor...........

I have been singing this song throughout the day and it gives me such hope that Christ is the solid rock on which I am saved. He is a sure foundation in an ever changing, chaotic world we live in. I am going thorugh a period of "what next Lord...". and doing something fulfilling for His Kingdom. In all of this....there is comfort that NOTHING can seperate us from the Love of Christ....the best part is NOT even ME. He has chosen me and saved me by Grace through faith in the Lord Jesus..."He is mine and I am His". What peace, what joy in this fact alone!

(The first verse again)

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

Romans 8:35-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [shall] tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I was inspired by this song "In Christ Alone..." on our Sunday worship. It wraps up all and expresses completely my heart. My prayer is that he would lead me to the Springs of Living Water and help me to delight completely in Him Alone....

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

‘Till on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

‘Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand